Saturday, February 11, 2017

Learning To Focus

I think most of us are feeling scatter-brained lately. There are so many things going on at once and so much to do and it's really hard to focus.

But as newly returned to being alcohol-free (two months yesterday!), it's even weirder trying to get focused---on say, my writing. I find myself "wishing" I'd do more than blogging, emailing, Facebooking, and posting on the Soberistas message board.

I did this thing a week or so ago where I moved my manuscript from my nightstand into my bookshelf cupboard. I did that because I felt I needed to take a break from thinking about finishing my memoir. I felt I needed to circulate some stale energy because those typed pages had been staring at me there for months, no, years! I figured if I Let It Go, I would eventually know when it was time to bring it back out and finally finish that Labor Of Love I wrote the bulk of in 2012. After all, when it comes to memoir writing, timing is everything. I've been through a lot regarding my FOO, and it hasn't even been a year since I permanently orphaned myself from them. I need time to adjust. I absolutely don't feel motivated or compelled to work yet.

On another note, I'd love to be able to get up and write when I wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning! That would be the perfect time for me to have full-focus-without-distraction. Gosh how productive that would be!

But instead what I do in the wee hours when I'm awake is toss and turn and try to go back to sleep---which often takes a couple hours.

OhGoshWhatAWasteOfTimeAndEnergy! !

Here's the thing though; here's what blocks me:  FEAR

Fear of causing an ME/CFS crash when the normal waking hours roll around. Fear of having to sleep through half my day because of getting up in the middle of the night. If I'm in a crash I can't take care of my household and my life!

I don't want to write a long thing about this right now. Well, I never want to write long blog posts! You're Welcome! :D