Monday, January 30, 2017

Thoughts About Turning The Big 6-0 Tomorrow

And I'm trying to type this while watching Spicer's scary nonsense in his Press Briefing.

But if I start talking about politics, I'll disappear down the rabbit hole. Flagrant Insanity By The Orange One And His Cronies. Fascist-Type Lies. If it's true that his presidency is what is preventing Putin from militarily attacking our country, then, I guess that's something.

It's turning out to be one of the shittiest birthday's I've had, and I'm very depressed and am isolating. At the same time I have no desire to drink, which makes it a most excellent birthday! Will be two months AF on Feb. 10.

Richard and I have been calmly at odds, via emails, since an upsetting phone conversation the evening of the phenomenal Women's March over a week ago, and I have no desire to talk to him. It's definitely women related; his mindset; his albeit-rather-minor-in-the-scheme-of-things, unresolved issues that he can't or refuses to see. Those issues of course were felt in our marriage. I chose to cancel my birthday dinner last night. I also chose to cancel my birthday on the 31st. I told my probable-twin soul who lives across the miles yesterday in an email that I'm depressed and going off the grid. I'm keeping to myself until I feel better.

Even though I'm depressed, I'm honoring myself by honoring my feelings. I'm NOT feeling sorry for myself, not that there would be anything wrong with that.

I feel good about turning 60. I expect it, on a personal level, to be the start of my best decade ever---health issues not withstanding.

It's a shame, I guess, that my big 6-0 is a bust though. People deserve to celebrate heartily on milestone birthdays!

But it is what it is, and I'm depressed and cocooning.

My delightful daughters made me delicious gluten-free brownies yesterday to cheer me up. YUM!

Today I'm going to cook the dinner that was planned for my birthday dinner yesterday, and that will take my daughters off the hook on my birthday tomorrow. I don't want to impose on them when I'm no fun.... That's not it so much---it's that we always celebrate holidays and special events together as a family; the four of us. So, it just doesn't feel right without their dad here. Tomorrow I will have an unbirthday. My daughters will give me the artistic cards they made me, and I can't wait for that!

Every day I get to make eye contact with my girls and it floods me with indescribable love, gratitude, joy, and pride.

Maybe I'll blog tomorrow here in my living journal at actual 60-years-young, to report how the day unfolded.