Thursday, January 19, 2017

I'M IN CRISIS MODE

(I posted this at Soberistas.)
EVERYTHING HAS SUDDENLY BECOME TOO MUCH. Been watching the hearings.
I PICKED SUCH AN EFFING HARD TIME TO QUIT DRINKING!!!!
I EFFING QUIT DECEMBER 10TH LAST YEAR!
IT'S EFFING HARD TO QUIT DRINKING AT CHRISTMAS/NEW YEARS!!! But I did it.
ON TOP OF THAT, EFFING POLITICS!!!!!!!!
AND NOW TOMORROW THE INAUGURATION FROM HELL!!!!!!!!!
I AM SO EFFING STRESSED TO THE MAX BY NOW!!!
IT'S BEEN ACCUMULATING.
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I QUIT DRINKING I'M REMEMBERING A HUGE REASON I DRANK:  TO CALM MY HIGH-STRUNG MIND!!!!

I remember how I COULD NOT get through election night in November without getting drunk.

 
I just got honest with my feelings and faced them and thought about alcohol and how much I wish I could drink right now to save me from this stress and angst. And that was followed by, "But I can't, I can't!" And that was followed by gratitude and the feelings that I really don't want booze, but I do want relief.

I have to live like this. And for God knows how long. It's going to get worse and worse in this country.

I PICKED SUCH A STUPID TIME TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I'm reminded of the wise words of my favorite spiritual teacher about needing to be clean and clear during this time in vibrational history and how important that is. And I'm remembering the HEALINGS I received from Heavenly sources. And of my PROMISE to myself and my Loves!

So, I know I'm absolutely RIGHT to have stopped drinking when I did, but I give myself permission to effing CRY and BAWL and BITCH and VENT.