Monday, January 30, 2017

Thoughts About Turning The Big 6-0 Tomorrow

And I'm trying to type this while watching Spicer's scary nonsense in his Press Briefing.

But if I start talking about politics, I'll disappear down the rabbit hole. Flagrant Insanity By The Orange One And His Cronies. Fascist-Type Lies. If it's true that his presidency is what is preventing Putin from militarily attacking our country, then, I guess that's something.

It's turning out to be one of the shittiest birthday's I've had, and I'm very depressed and am isolating. At the same time I have no desire to drink, which makes it a most excellent birthday! Will be two months AF on Feb. 10.

Richard and I have been calmly at odds, via emails, since an upsetting phone conversation the evening of the phenomenal Women's March over a week ago, and I have no desire to talk to him. It's definitely women related; his mindset; his albeit-rather-minor-in-the-scheme-of-things, unresolved issues that he can't or refuses to see. Those issues of course were felt in our marriage. I chose to cancel my birthday dinner last night. I also chose to cancel my birthday on the 31st. I told my probable-twin soul who lives across the miles yesterday in an email that I'm depressed and going off the grid. I'm keeping to myself until I feel better.

Even though I'm depressed, I'm honoring myself by honoring my feelings. I'm NOT feeling sorry for myself, not that there would be anything wrong with that.

I feel good about turning 60. I expect it, on a personal level, to be the start of my best decade ever---health issues not withstanding.

It's a shame, I guess, that my big 6-0 is a bust though. People deserve to celebrate heartily on milestone birthdays!

But it is what it is, and I'm depressed and cocooning.

My delightful daughters made me delicious gluten-free brownies yesterday to cheer me up. YUM!

Today I'm going to cook the dinner that was planned for my birthday dinner yesterday, and that will take my daughters off the hook on my birthday tomorrow. I don't want to impose on them when I'm no fun.... That's not it so much---it's that we always celebrate holidays and special events together as a family; the four of us. So, it just doesn't feel right without their dad here. Tomorrow I will have an unbirthday. My daughters will give me the artistic cards they made me, and I can't wait for that!

Every day I get to make eye contact with my girls and it floods me with indescribable love, gratitude, joy, and pride.

Maybe I'll blog tomorrow here in my living journal at actual 60-years-young, to report how the day unfolded.



Thursday, January 19, 2017

I'M IN CRISIS MODE

(I posted this at Soberistas.)
EVERYTHING HAS SUDDENLY BECOME TOO MUCH. Been watching the hearings.
I PICKED SUCH AN EFFING HARD TIME TO QUIT DRINKING!!!!
I EFFING QUIT DECEMBER 10TH LAST YEAR!
IT'S EFFING HARD TO QUIT DRINKING AT CHRISTMAS/NEW YEARS!!! But I did it.
ON TOP OF THAT, EFFING POLITICS!!!!!!!!
AND NOW TOMORROW THE INAUGURATION FROM HELL!!!!!!!!!
I AM SO EFFING STRESSED TO THE MAX BY NOW!!!
IT'S BEEN ACCUMULATING.
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I QUIT DRINKING I'M REMEMBERING A HUGE REASON I DRANK:  TO CALM MY HIGH-STRUNG MIND!!!!

I remember how I COULD NOT get through election night in November without getting drunk.

 
I just got honest with my feelings and faced them and thought about alcohol and how much I wish I could drink right now to save me from this stress and angst. And that was followed by, "But I can't, I can't!" And that was followed by gratitude and the feelings that I really don't want booze, but I do want relief.

I have to live like this. And for God knows how long. It's going to get worse and worse in this country.

I PICKED SUCH A STUPID TIME TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I'm reminded of the wise words of my favorite spiritual teacher about needing to be clean and clear during this time in vibrational history and how important that is. And I'm remembering the HEALINGS I received from Heavenly sources. And of my PROMISE to myself and my Loves!

So, I know I'm absolutely RIGHT to have stopped drinking when I did, but I give myself permission to effing CRY and BAWL and BITCH and VENT.
 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Never Have I Ever Had A Cat Do This To Me Before!

(OK, now it's a funny story!) He peed on my floor in my bedroom this morning! And it destroyed my leather portfolio binder and all the papers inside! And I think he did it simply because I didn't get up when he wanted me to! You know, to feed him and let him out to do cat things until Second Breakfast! We have two almost-4-year-old cat brothers, Tom Sawyer (the culprit) and Huck Finn. Because of Tom's young age it's clear he wasn't trying to tell me he has some health issue. He's very healthy. No, he's apparently just incorrigible?! He's an orange tabby, does that mean anything??

It was only just after 8 a.m. the same time one of the cats usually cries at my door to come in for some lovin' before I drag my weary bones out of bed for the morning routine. I let Tom in and sleepily pet him for awhile on the bed to his contented purring. A few minutes later he jumped down and started meowing as he usually does to rouse me --- And then this ridiculous action just happened! Yes--They Have A Cat Box!!

I was so incensed, I spritzed him once with the enzyme spray I was using to clean up his smelly mishap, and he fled the scene of the crime. Because, yes, he was right there still insisting I feed him NOW! Then, back in the kitchen, I put their ID collars on, put First Breakfast in their bowls, but only gave Huck his, right in front of Tom, and I picked Tom up and tossed him (forcefully but gently) out the back door! So there! Dumb cat! Take that! (Hope it works!! Hope he never tries anything that stupid again!)

He came in like 30 minutes later to eat. Yes, he acted as if nothing happened! Smug bastard! 

I've had cats all my life, and this is a first.


Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Thank You For Reading Me!

I truly appreciate it!

It is such a joy for me to share my writings with you!

May I always either surprise or delight you, and may I always Inspire!


Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Well, Y'all, I Made It To My One-Month Soberversary!

And thank GodGoddessUniverse I did, because I was such an Idiot when I was on alcohol!!

And I want to apologize profusely for that, and to anyone who was effected by that on Facebook and in emails and on the phone!!!!


Thank You for loving me and hanging in there with me.

I feel the most grounded and the most peaceful and the most joyful and the most grateful I think I've ever felt in sobriety. And of course I blogged about the reasons in my featured post in the right margin, which is three posts in one because there was a lot that happened since I received the healing that started in mid November.

And Thank You for reading my blog, and please do subscribe to it! I won't let you down! : )

I haven't had a full month alcohol-free since probably when I did my sober year in 2012. I ended up writing my memoir then!

I Am So Filled With Love For Life For GodGoddessUniverse For All My Peeps



Monday, January 9, 2017

This Video Inspired Me

May It Inspire You Too --- And Please Brace Yourselves For 2017. The Bottom Line? We're Going To Survive And Grow Stronger And Better. : )



Doreen Virtue is the real deal, in my humble opinion. I first heard her in 2013 through the Hay House World Summit, and she is the first to teach me about angels.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Well, Then, Welcome Soberistas!

After posting yesterday I 'splored Soberistas (link in right margin), and feel quite comfortable there thus far! There's even a group for 60+ year-olds, and, of course, I'm almost that age (this month)!

I feel I'm supposed to help and inspire others as much, or more, than they help and inspire me. : )
I truly do feel that I was given a quantum moment miracle healing last month where all my cravings, thoughts, and desires to drink---as well as all my FEAR about not being able to stay stopped drinking---were lifted. (Story in my featured post in right margin.)

And since this story is true and still holding, I have a responsibility to pay it forward, and to live in gratitude every single day over this.

I'm So Happy Being Alcohol-Free!  "And you can too!"


Friday, January 6, 2017

Loving Being Alcohol-Free, And For Me I Am Doing It Alone

I haven't blogged for a while, but it's not because my sobriety has been threatened---it hasn't!

My sobriety is in-check and is well-grounded and is blissful thus far!


Today I left Quantum Sobriety (link in right margin) after just one month with them. I simply haven't participated much (even though it's a good and helpful group), and I don't like throwing money away. (Choke! Thinking about how much money I threw away on booze!)

I did sign-up for the free trial of Soberistas again to see how it feels there! Last time I was there, whenever it was, I didn't seem to get much support, but maybe it was just me---you know, something I said or something!

The stories I have shared here on my blog recently about the miracle healings I received that saved me from alcohol and from a white-knuckling sobriety are still true and still holding. One is a featured post now. Scroll down to read it in the right margin.

Until Divine Intervention happened for me, I was white-knuckling it, was full of fear, and didn't know how I was going to stay stopped drinking!

I'm only a little concerned that doing sobriety on my own will eventually lead back to drinking again. I have to have faith that it really is my fate that alcohol is out of my life for good now. I do know that most people who quit an addiction do it on their own, and that's a checkable fact.

I don't trust my Booze Beast and that's why I joined Soberistas today. Even though I know quitting drinking is an inside job and that I shouldn't and won't be dependent on anything outside myself (and GodGoddessUniverse) for my sobriety.

I know I won't stay with Soberistas after my free-trial expires. I know myself. I'm not a joiner. I'm not a group person.

I'm admitting right now that I'm simply feeling nervous about not having sobriety support via a formal group. And that's why I'm blogging about it.

But, there's another cool thing that happened recently. My daughter went to a New Year's Eve party where she was drinking and I didn't even have the slightest angst over it, nor was I triggered. This is a first for me.

Maybe:

....Immediate Update: I just discovered that there's really no access to much of anything at Soberistas without paying, so I decided to pay for a 3-month membership, which was only $15 total. Gosh, QS was over 20 bucks for just one month.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Our Ball-less Happy New Year!

What happened to the ball, CNN?!
The weirdest thing happened last night here on the west coast!
There was no ball and no ball dropping and no countdown to midnight!
There we were, TV tuned-in at 11:56, our toast-glasses of sparkling cider at the ready, waiting to cheer in the New Year as we do every year!
Midnight rolled around and nothing happened!!!
For the first time in my history there was no ball---it was just, I guess, the live action of Times Square, after the ball had dropped?

Whaa??! 
CNN forgot about us this year? Forgot to run the rerun of the happening for us?!
IT WAS LIKE BEING IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
Which is so apropos for 2016, ain't it!
We were just left there with our mugs raised and looking at each other with dazed looks on our faces!
And trying not to get paranoid!
But we quickly switched gears, laughed, made jokes, and relished in gratitude and joy for each other in our little family, as we toasted in our ball-less New Year!
And we are all wondering if it is going to turn out to be symbolic somehow for 2017!